Pleasure is a Dirty Word
What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘pleasure?’ Maybe you think of sex, orgasms, or the like. Or possibly things like indulgence, excess and frivolous come to mind. These are common associations, and I believe it is time to rethink and debunk the ingrained beliefs that unconsciously come up around this word. After all, I am building my whole career around people fully stepping into their own pleasures; and I am not talking about sex here.
The other day I had a friend reach out to me and ask me if I was open to feedback on my business’ Instagram page. I, of course was ready for any support or suggestions. She then told me that I might want to rethink my Instagram handle, ‘Better_Pleasure.’ She said that when she first read the name she thought I was offering and/or promoting myself as a sex therapist. I could see her perspective and thanked her for the feedback. However, I thought about our text exchange for several days after and I asked myself, if sex is the first thing that comes to people’s minds when they see my handle, is that a bad thing? No, I am not a sex therapist and have no plans to be at this time. But it got me thinking about society’s relationship with pleasure.
So, is that a bad thing? I personally would hope that all sex is pleasurable, after all. That is one of the main foundations of modern consent practices, sex should feel good! But I think focusing on sex as synonymous or the main synonym for pleasure, cheats the word out of its depth and the importance that it would ideally play in our lives. What if instead the closest synonym to pleasure is authenticity or radical acceptance?! This is what I whole heartedly believe and how I am trying to live every moment of my life. Yes, authentically and with acceptance, but on a deeper level, with pleasure radiating through every moment that is possible. Even if that moment is filled with fear, frustration or any other negative event or emotion. When I accept what is, while remaining true to myself, bliss is possible. I cannot keep ‘bad’ things from happening to me or around me, but I can eliminate suffering by accepting this as reality and remembering that pain is not personal.
Pleasure is one avenue that allows us to access our most authentic self. The version of ourselves that attracts all good things, including wealth, peace, abundance, love and security. I have an example of this for you. I wonder about my countless queer peers who have grown up being conditioned to believe that pleasure equals shame. That if one is to be their true self, queer, that it will lead to total destruction. I know of so many people that have struggled to live authentically because of this conditioning. Just imagine how much more peace and fulfillment these people might have had in their lives if pleasure was emphasized as good, necessary or even a right!
When we view pleasure through the lens of authenticity, it becomes clear just how vital living in one’s pleasure can be. I know there will likely be many nay-sayers to this perspective. Even in talking amongst my friends about this, there has been doubts that have come up. Similar to what I have mentioned in a past post; if we all just followed whatever makes us feel good, wouldn’t we all just be staying home, binge watching TV, eating ‘unhealthy’ foods and being lazy? I don’t believe so. I will continue to explore this for myself and report back here. If you want to work with me on accessing your most authentic self and desire more pleasure in your life. Reach out to me today. As of this post I currently have one opening in my practice for therapy clients. If you are a provider or someone just interested in coaching with me, I also have availability for this, as of this post date!
