The Movie of Your Life

I am currently sitting in the Las Vegas airport, after missing my flight due to a delay. The time between my connecting flights was already a very small window, so when the plane took off 20 minutes later than scheduled, I knew missing my connecting flight was likely. When we landed I checked the time and tried my best to get to my gate in time (of course I was seated in the very back of the plane).

The good news, I did make it to the gate in time, the bad news, because the airline saw that my first plane was late, it issued a new boarding pass for a later flight, anticipating that I would not make the connecting flight. So the ticket was no longer valid for the flight I had made it on time for, but there was no time to issue the new boarding pass, as I waited in line behind three other people having the same issue. I was originally going to be getting to Denver at 12 pm, the new arrival time is 8 pm. This also means I will be spending an unplanned 7 hours in the Las Vegas airport.

What emotions come up in you as you read that? If you were in my position what do you think you would be feeling and thinking?

I know for many, likely feelings of frustration, anger, outrage, impatience and anxiety would be present.

Through the whole experience, from the late takeoff, to waiting to exit the plane, to this moment of writing this blog sitting in the airport, I experienced little to none of those tough emotions. Through my own practice of non-attachment and radical acceptance, I have remained calm and peaceful.

Attachment is the enemy of deep peace and calm.

We get attached to all sorts of things. People, results, certain weather we hope for, making a plane on time because we have plans; and by attachment I do not mean the psychological attachment theory for healthy human development. I’m talking about attachment to outcomes, or situations/people being a certain way.

Secure attachment is very similar to the non-attachment stance.

This is how I have been able to remain in a state of peace through the plane ordeal I have been experiencing today. I could have entertained thoughts about how unfair it is or how I am ‘supposed to be’ somewhere else right now, or that it ‘shouldn’t be like this.’ But entertaining thoughts like that would have only lead to distress and frustration.

If I would have been attached to a certain outcome for my day, such as needing to be in Denver at a certain time for example, then only those negative feelings would have come from this. Wishing for an outcome and being frustrated when that outcome does not happen how I planned does not change the reality that I have no control over the airline, the plane schedules, or what time my plane left this morning. My expectations and the frustrated feelings when they are not met do not get me what I want, they just add negativity to my reality.

This is exactly how I have been able to remain so at peace and unbothered. I no longer believe that I know what it is in my best interest, or that how I would orchestrate my life is better than how my life actually unfolds. It is truly beautiful. It is non-attachment, it is the practice of living in a stance of radical acceptance.

Life is now an adventure. I get to be more frequently in the observer role, in the entirety of my life.

To elaborate on how it feels to be in the observer role, from a more prescriptive perspective. It’s like I am viewing my life like a movie. Everything that happens in my life is an elaborate, beautiful and fun story plot that I get to experience and ‘watch’ as it unfolds in front of me.

As I view life this way, it makes it easy to stay in non-attachment/acceptance mode. Because, if I am ‘watching’ the story of my life, of course there are going to be plot twists and turns. Unexpected occurrences and ‘drama’ are the makings of a great story, right? And I trust that my story is the best one, just like I truly believe your story is the best one for you.

I still play an active role in my life, but when life does not go to ‘my plan,’ I now experience far less suffering.

So, getting stuck in the Las Vegas airport for 8 hours today, is a funny plot twist in the story of Erin’s life. It is not the end of the world, its not something to be mad about. I am instead curious and open to whatever my experiences here bring to me. And so far one of those experiences is writing this blog.

I also still have hopes, desires, goals and things I wish would happen; of course I do! I am not aimlessly floating around the world, nor am living without want. It is just that I hold all of those things lightly. I am connected to them, but not attached. I know I will be okay if something goes an unexpected direction.

I heard this really great analogy recently that applies well to the concept of acceptance. I believe it was called the surfer analogy. It went something like this,

When surfers are riding a wave they are completely present. Enjoying themselves fully and soaking up every moment to the fullest. When the wave ends or they crash, they expect it and accept it with ease. And they are so easily able to accept the end because they know there will be another wave.

I would add that the surfer also knows and trusts in their ability to catch the next wave that comes.

We can apply the ocean (or the waves) in this analogy to so many things. It could be a romantic/dating partner, positive feelings, work opportunities, etc. There will always be another wave and there will always be another ending. The cycle never stops.

You can apply this to areas of your life that you feel you are having trouble accepting or that you are strongly attached to. There’s no wave that lasts forever. The choices are either to accept what is, or compound pain and suffering onto the situation.

How can you start practicing non-attachment and acceptance?

Start bringing awareness to your thinking; notice the key words that come up in your mind; like ‘should' and ‘shouldn’t.’ Notice if you start wishing a person or situation would be different. If you are doing any of these things, then you can try using a thought hack, such as reminding yourself of the surfer analogy or practicing viewing your life as observing a story.